What is it about a milestone birthday that makes us so anxious? Is it the social pressure, the self-inflicted pressure, the feeling of our biological clock ticking or none of the above? When you combine a milestone birthday with the turn of a decade, the anxiety mounts. When you also layer in the fact that this past year was particularly rough, it just becomes overwhelming. Everyone looks to a birthday or a new year as a fresh start but in reality, it can happen any day, any time.

Emma Watson addressed it best in her interview with British Vogue. An excerpt below:

[Emma Watson] turns 30 in April, and describes 2019 as having been “tough”, because she “had all these ideas” about what her life was supposed to look like at this age. “I was like, ‘Why does everyone make such a big fuss about turning 30? This is not a big deal…’” she shares. “Cut to 29, and I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I feel so stressed and anxious. And I realise it’s because there is suddenly this bloody influx of subliminal messaging around. If you have not built a home, if you do not have a husband, if you do not have a baby, and you are turning 30, and you’re not in some incredibly secure, stable place in your career, or you’re still figuring things out… There’s just this incredible amount of anxiety.”

If it’s staggering to think that Watson worries about this stuff, it’s comforting, too. 

I knew I needed to stop obsessing over the things I haven’t yet accomplished by 30 and instead focus on what I have and who I am now. So a few months ago, I challenged myself to keep a list of 30 things I’ve done for myself this year that I was proud of. It was so easy for me to harp on the negativity and I could’ve listed 50 things that went wrong or I wish I had in my life. I tend to struggle with self-promotion at work and now I see that I struggle with it on a personal level too. It is not easy for me to list out what I love about myself. Self-confidence hasn’t come as naturally for me this year and I miss feeling more secure.

As I started the list, the first handful came easily. But then I got stuck. I started to feel like some of my items were too insignificant, too easy, or not impressive enough so I would delete them and instead list out the bigger, more flashier accomplishments I wanted to have. Yes, this goes against the point of the exercise. But with the help of my therapist, I worked on reframing my mind. No accomplishment is too big or too small if it means something to you and it took you effort to do it.

Here is my list. Of course, there are a few items that I wish could have been included but now they have evolved into goals for next year and I’m excited to have something to look forward to.

1. I ended a 9 year relationship and called off my wedding

2. I built a website from scratch on my own

3. I had my first successful finals presentation that led to a win as an institutional salesperson

4. I started a new role at my company in senior relationship management

5. I made a cross country move back to NY mostly on my own but with the help of incredible friends

6. I started therapy and continue to go regularly

7. I traveled to new cities (Rome, San Juan) and revisited familiar ones (London)

8. I sponsored a young disadvantaged girl’s education in India. Nikitha is 4 years old and I hope to sponsor her all the way through college

9. I lived alone for the first time in NYC

10. I began to date for the first time in 10 years

11. I got Lasik after 20+ years of wearing contacts/glasses

12. I hosted a successful sip & shop event for my colleagues

13. I made new friends, professionally and personally, in LA and NYC

14. I donated or sold the majority of my belongings

15. I took swim lessons to get over my fear of drowning

16. I’ve helped my friends through difficult times

17. I’ve helped my family through difficult times

18. I’ve continued to run this blog and expanded the AHD community

19. I’ve continued to mentor women and men in finance

20. I’ve assisted friends and peers with their job search

21. I’ve made fitness and self-care a priority. I’ve gone to over 30 boxing classes which I highly recommend for stress release

22. I have embraced being vulnerable and transparent with my friends and peers, even if it comes with judgement and criticism

23. I have condensed my network to those who are aligned with my morals and values

24. I was featured on my favorite blog, Cup of Jo, in a post about what real women wear to work

25. I became a board member for the Women in Finance Group at Northeastern University. This is extra special because I’ve wanted to join a board for years but couldn’t find the right cause. This couldn’t be more perfect as it’s a cause I’m so passionate about and it’s at my alma mater!!

26. I went to my first pro hockey game

27. I hiked Breakneck Ridge in upstate NY 3 times with friends (not an easy hike!)

28. I learned how to politely say no and protect the energy I need to take care of myself

29. I started the process to purchase an apartment in Manhattan in early 2020 and put down my first offer!!

30. I have discovered a new version of myself that I’m very proud of

The process of writing this list has given me so much perspective as I enter the new decade. It has grounded me and helped me embrace the uncertainty of what’s to come. I encourage you to take a minute to put down on paper what you are most proud of before we turn our attention to our resolutions… it’s nice to have a pat on the back, especially when you give it to yourself!

-A